2020 'YOU DONATE WE DELIVER'
- By Jackie Commissar
- •
- 05 Aug, 2020
THE YEAR 2020....a year of crisis and change.... never to be forgotten
Tony & I left Florida in January after an amazing Xmas with the family and a last minute surprise for Rob when we all arrived on Xmas day unexpectedly. It was time to go back and help Katie with all the arrangements for Harry's Barmitzvah, and to make a trip home to our apartment in Spain to check all was well and to prepare it for our homecoming in April.
During the month of February we started to see signs of the Covid-19 crisis and witnessed a lot of unrest around the world. Italy was starting to suffer the effects of the virus and it was making us all very nervous that perhaps this would spread to the UK.
After a lot of deliberation we decided not to take our trip back to Spain as we did not want to be stuck there if Spain became as bad as Italy, we were after all going back in April so we thought it best to stay in the UK. Katie was starring in a semi-professional show and had the lead part, I used to walk through the woods in the freezing cold with her rehearsing her lines and we were looking forward to seeing her in her starring role in 'Stepping Out' in March, we didn't want to miss that.
We settled in at Katie's home where fortunately we have a lovely room and bathroom to ourselves and helped where we could with babysitting etc. but things were starting to look bleak not only in Italy now but also in Spain, numbers were increasing rapidly and the UK was starting to follow with cases going up every day.
It was around this time when we decided to make the heartbreaking decision of cancelling Harry's Barmitzvah and rebooking it for later in the year. My family one by one cancelled their flights and promised to rebook for the end of October when we re-scheduled the celebrations. Harry was amazing, offering to learn a new portion from the Torah, even though he had spent months learning the first one, he really wanted his uncle to be there and all his friends and family.
So many changes were starting to take place in March and we were all glued to the TV night and day watching Boris Johnson gradually lockdown the country, and on 23rd March we were told we all had to stay at home, especially the over 70's and vulnerable people suffering from illnesses. People were allowed to go out to buy food and we were allowed one hour of exercise a day. The children could no longer attend school and we watched as most of the world followed suit, some countries had already locked down and we were seeing horrific coverage of overrun hospitals that couldn't cope mostly in Italy at that time.
The government explained how important it was that we protect the NHS as they will be the ones who will have to look after us if we were taken in to hospital. We knew that we all had to do as much as possible to ensure they could cope with what was to come.
Katie & I realised very early on that we couldn't just sit back and hope everything would be alright, we were seeing footage of hundreds, and eventually thousands of people struck down with Covid-19 ,and reading daily how the hospitals were getting over run, and the nurses and doctors were working tirelessly.
I had connected with an old friend from my 'Curves' days who was working in a local hospital, and through social media I reached out to her to ask if there was any way we could help. She explained how horrendous it was especially as her job was to contact the families and often give them the sad news that their family member had died, she was also in charge of ordering body bags and PPE equipment which she was finding more and more difficult to locate. She rarely had time to eat especially as the canteen was closed most of the time and when it was open by the time the staff on the Covid-19 wards could remove all their PPE equipment and queue in the line at the canteen it was time for them to return to their next shift.
I then went into action making huge pots of chicken soup for her and also for the staff in her ward. We also started to spread the word that we may need help especially with deliveries to the hospital. We found a post on Facebook from a friend who was helping individuals by delivering items to their home his name is David Benviniste, and he became a huge part of our little initiative when he kindly offered to deliver our soup to the Northwick Park hospital where my friend was working. Katie was in contact also with her close friend Sarah Laster who unfortunately at the time was suffering from the virus but was very willing to help in any way she could, especially as her sister was a registrar in the A&E department at a very well known hospital in North London called the 'Royal Free', and they too were having problems with canteens and food for the working staff.
Fortunately Sarah only suffered from the virus mildly and was able to come and join us after quarantining to help with our little operation.
Between us all we were now spreading the word that we needed to feed the NHS staff and front line workers as they just didn't have the time or the resources to feed themselves, so we set to work by contacting the local community to ask them to prepare easy meals and to bake snacks for the NHS staff.
Word started to spread amongst the hospitals that we were offering this service but we didn't have enough people to cope with the demand, I was cooking pots and pots of soup and we also needed containers to put the soup in. This was when the first guardian angel came to our rescue....through the help of one of my Glam Grandmas. A packaging company offered us 3,000 plastic containers a week to put our soup and meals in to send to the hospitals, they told us we would receive them every week until the end of May as a donation. We couldn't believe this kindness, but so much more was to follow! Once again through the wonderful social media channels and word of mouth through our community in North West London and surrounding areas we were getting contacted daily with offers of help with cooking meals, and baking cakes etc. We recruited a group of Katie's friends to make sandwiches for the ambulance drivers and paramedics, and with bread that was being donated daily, friends came regularly to collect filling etc. that we bought from Costco to fill the sandwiches, and any stale bread was given to a neighbour who made batches of wonderful bread pudding!
The weather was cold and raining during this time and we needed to protect ourselves from the weather so we bought a tent which our helpers erected for us in the front drive of the house.
While we were planning meals with local caterers and chefs who had offered their services we were all fundraising and putting out the word that we needed money to pay for the food etc. Money started pouring in and before we knew it we had set up a charity which we called 'You Donate We Deliver' the 4 of us David, Katie, Sarah & I had created the most incredible organisation in the space of a few weeks!
While we were busy organising the food David was recruiting his team of 70+ volunteer delivery drivers. Local business men were arriving in their fancy cars offering to drive to the various hospitals that we were now supplying, and a few of these angels in disguise offered also to stay with us throughout the day to help pack and carry heavy boxes of meals etc. We were now an amazing team and each day more & more hospitals were reaching out to us for food.
We now had 11 'hubs' in various areas with teams of helpers that delivered their goodies to their local hub, and our drivers would collect them or the hub leaders would bring them to us. These were mums with children at home and they were so grateful that the children could help us by baking and helping with deliveries. We realised then that we weren't only helping the NHS staff and front line workers, we were also helping the community to deal with this unprecedented time, and they were all loving contributing to our project.
Day by day our operation grew, Katie & Sarah were performing a full time job with spread sheets and label printers, handing out labels for all the chefs to put on their finished meals with health & safety warnings such as allergens etc. More tents were going up and one of our wonderful helpers would go with his removal van to collect boxes from Costco to pack the meals in. The weather was now starting to improve and we were lucky enough to have a wonderful month of sunshine in May. This meant that working outside was an enjoyable experience instead of covering up in thick coats to stay warm. My 2 grandchildren who had been lazing in bed until late in the morning would get out of bed to come and help us. Harry who was now a 13yr teenager who was enjoying the freedom of no school, came outside and made teas and coffee for all the workers. He became firm friends with the 2 wonderful helpers, Laurence and Richard and talked football and kicked a ball around in the road with them. Ruby who is 10 yrs old would help Sarah in the 'snack tent' packing up bags of wonderful cakes and biscuits, to add to the meals that I was packing daily with the help of Laurence's wife Sammi who just stepped in offering her help when I was packing over 2,000 meals a day!!! Previously one of our wonderful caterers Simone would stay behind after she had delivered her 100 meals and also help me to pack. Each and every one of the amazing volunteers were there to help us with anything we needed.
Early on in our work, before we had all of our 7 tents up.. we were visited by a local thief who attempted to steal several boxes of chicken breasts from one of our donated fridges that we had outside. He was caught when Katie went out late at night to bring a plug in, and ran off dropping all his wares!! We posted on Facebook the following day what had happened and before we knew it we had a security man watching the house nightly and purchasing locks for our fridges of which we now had 2 and were to receive a 3rd one donated from another guardian angel.
The month of May was supposed to be packed with celebrations, I had organised a lunch for all my girlfriends and arranged a singer and a caterer, we also planned a nice celebration for our Golden Wedding with the family. Unfortunately all of this was cancelled, but my wonderful daughter still managed to make me a lunch outside the house in the road with all the charity helpers and I have to say it was wonderful. I received a beautiful bracelet and lots of cards, and felt very loved by my new young friends! My old friends all made a trip in their cars to drive by and wish me happy birthday, it was a birthday I will never forget. There were similar celebrations with all these friends for our Golden Wedding Anniversary just 4 days later and we loved every minute of them.
We had all been working tirelessly for over 9 weeks when we realised things were easing off and the hospitals had less patients to deal with from the virus. We made a reluctant decision to stop our operation on 5th June as some of our drivers and co-workers were returning to work. This was the end of a time none of us would ever forget, and we dismantled our tents and bade a sad farewell to all the amazing volunteers who had worked with us together to get through lockdown.
We were thrilled to receive a 'Points of Light' award from the prime minster Boris Johnson for our charity work and for helping the NHS & front line workers, we were also very proud too to receive the 'Heroes of Hertfordshire' award from the HM Lord-Lieutenant of Hertfordshire.
We had raised over £100,000 supplied 22 hospitals with over 80,000 meals and the ambulance & paramedics servicemen and women with over 12,000 sandwiches and snacks. We couldn't believe we had managed this between us and we were getting wonderful 'thank you's' from the hospital staff with flowers and gifts.
Life then had to slowly get back to normal, but it was never going to be easy, people were still traumatised by the sudden changes we all had made, grandparents were banned from seeing their precious grandchildren, mourners were forbidden to attend loved ones funerals, and children were still at home having to be home schooled which was a challenging time for their parents. Weddings and celebrations were all cancelled and shops restaurants and the hospitality sector were all closed. We just waited to see when life would return to normal.
As I write this post in August 2020, life is slowly struggling to return to normal. People are once again getting their hair, beauty & nail treatments done again, shops & restaurants have re-opened, and I personally am trying to return to our beautiful home on the beach in Spain, having to constantly reschedule flights due to the regular changes on travel. I yearn for the day when I will see my son Rob, & beautiful grandaughter Sky, and also my sister in Florida and pray it wont be long before we can all be together once again as a family.
I am grateful every day to have this time with Katie & Harry & Ruby, its been wonderful seeing the children every day and watching them grow into little teenagers. I am looking forward to 2021 being a year of the celebrations we didn't have and I am sure we will all reflect on this crazy and unprecedented time.
Watch out for my next blog to see the new and exciting project that I have been working on......!!!!
The operation...
We were to spend another 3 weeks visiting Tony in the clinic before he could finally be operated on. It had taken some time for the Doctor to discover that the fever was from Pneumonia and he had to ensure Tony’s lungs were clear before he was given an anaesthetic.
I realised that had he been operated on in Malaga with pneumonia he would have been at even more risk of dying during the surgery.
We had booked into a hotel near to the hospital and every day we would visit Tony in the immaculate intensive care unit, which was at the far end of the corridor, where we were asked to gown up and put on shoe covers before we entered. This became a daily ritual and every time we started the long walk along the corridor my heart raced and I wondered how I would find him. The sweet little nurses tried hard to communicate with us and I would nod at them before we went in or shake my head to see how he was doing.
It's strange that I have never forgotten that walk along the corridor, the fear inside of me never abated, would he be alive, would he recognise me, had his condition worsened or improved. The uncertainty was draining us all, we couldn’t even talk to each other on visits the emotions were running high and it was always Rob that was the positive one, he used to say to Katie and I ‘dad will be fine today, you wait and see’ bless him he was constantly trying to keep up our spirits.
During those weeks Tony’s family flew to Zaragoza, and his sister stayed with us for a while. It was a harrowing time because we were only allowed to visit at certain times and we never knew how he would be or whether he had suffered a setback or another bleed. He was kept very still and the nurses were angels. Unfortunately, apart from Dr. Calatyud nobody in the hospital spoke English, on fact nobody in Zaragoza spoke English. On the Costa Del Sol, most people spoke English as there were so many British Ex-Pats living there, so we were spoilt.
Tony would scribble little pictures to the nurses if he was thirsty or for other reasons and bless them they tried hard to learn the language even buying translation books. Katie was learning fast how to understand Spanish and she was our translator.
I kept in constant contact with Ana my beautiful new friend who had stood by me with Patrice her husband from day one, often asking her in the early hours of the morning questions that were worrying me and making sleep impossible.
Ana, I learned much later, was also suffering from emotions throughout this whole thing, she was totally traumatised and worried for me and the children, she was speaking to Dr. Calatyud in their mother tongue for hours and translating whenever he wasn’t able to explain clearly about Tony’s condition. Later Ana & I were to realise that we were meant to meet as we shared so many feelings and emotions. I will never forget how these dear friends helped me in my time of need.
Zaragoza is a beautiful city but only if you are a tourist and are there to enjoy the sites. Apart from the language barrier, we struggled to find restaurants where they served food that we were used to. We finally found an Italian style restaurant offering pasta dishes and we finished up going there most nights. Katie & I tend to eat when we are stressed and when we weren’t eating meals we were buying unhealthy sweets and chocolates to eat in between meals, Katie filled a carrier bag with them and carried that bag everywhere with biscuits for Tony and other favourite food she thought he may like.
During the long hours when we couldn’t visit Tony in the hospital we tried to keep occupied, I would take long walks and then write a diary when I was in my room alone.
Katie’s boyfriend Paul had come for a short time at her request to support her, but it was a new relationship and it put a strain on them both because of the constant worry. Rob would always try and cheer us all up, with his wonderful sense of humour he would often make us laugh, and he would occasionally have to placate Katie & I when the stress caused us to fight with each other. We were sometimes unable to control our emotions, and it would then turn into anger. We both knew that we didn’t mean to hurt each other and it would always end in tears with us hugging and saying sorry. The strain was getting us both down and we knew it, it was a waiting game and we had to be patient.
I was still recovering from my surgery, after having major surgery I was supposed to be resting and recovering, I was in pain a lot of the time and the healing process was taking longer due to the stress, but my mind was on Tony and his condition so it kept me from thinking of myself.
I also spent hours trying to deal with the insurance company, unfortunately, they added to the stress by fighting with me over paying the bills. I was frightened that we wouldn’t be able to afford the treatment, they had said I should not have moved Tony and should have left him in Malaga with the planned surgery, I tried to make them understand the situation and finally, they agreed to pay for the surgery, but at that point, we were still arguing over the accommodation costs.
My friends and family back in the UK and in Spain were a tremendous support to us all. We kept in constant contact and they would help me through difficult days when I was losing hope, by being positive and encouraging me to be positive too. I had days when I was convinced he would get through all of this but there were dark days when in my heart I knew I would never have the Tony back that I knew & loved.
When you are facing someone with a brain trauma it is very different from a physical illness that you can often help with by offering sympathy and medication. A brain injury is often so complex that you are not able to help the patient because most of us do not understand what injury the brain has suffered.
As an eternal optimist, I was trying hard to pretend to myself that whatever had happened to Tony’s brain, it would heal and he would back to normal once the surgeon had performed the operation, after all that is what was happening to me, even though I had major surgery to my womb I was beginning to heal and I would eventually be back to normal, this unfortunately is not the case with brain trauma, and I have had to learn this over the years.
After approx. 2 weeks in the intensive care unit of the Clinica Maz hospital in Zaragoza it was finally time for Tony to have his surgery. His pneumonia had healed and his lungs were stable enough for an anaesthetic. We were all cautiously relieved that Dr. Catalyud would finally be able to operate on his brain.
The operation was scheduled and family and friends flew in to support us during the procedure.
We were told to expect approx. 3-4 hours of surgery, so we gathered in the hotel, Tony’s brother Ricky, his sister Lys, Katie Rob and my neighbours began the long wait for the surgery to take place. We had seen Tony before he went down, his head had been shaved and when I saw him I had a terrible fright, but I assured him it was just a small operation to correct the problem that had occurred and he eventually accepted it.
I cannot ever explain the fear and the worry that was inside of me during the long hours, which turned into 9 hours of surgery. I was convinced something terrible had happened, especially after we had been told to expect 3-4 hours, I was inconsolable and nobody could convince me otherwise.
Finally, we heard that we could go to the theatre and wait outside to see Dr. Calatyud. We ran and with the help of our neighbours and we were able to stand at the theatre doors to wait for him to emerge.
I will never forget the site of this little man walking towards us dressed in his green ‘scrubs’ and saying to me ‘2’....
OMG! I thought had he found 2 aneurysms? But no…he was asking for 2 kisses on his cheeks to celebrate that Tony had come through the surgery well.
We then saw him being wheeled through the door heavily bandaged but peacefully asleep. I remember thinking this would never have been allowed in the UK, to stand outside of the theatre waiting to see the doctor, the gratitude I felt at that time to the Spanish friends and Dr. Calatyud was indescribable.
The long road to recovery.....
Tony was taken to a recovery unit while we all celebrated with the champagne that was waiting for us bought by Lys & Ricky. I was elated phoning family and friends all over the world telling them that it was finally over and Tony had come through the long surgery. Unfortunately, Katie was not as ecstatic as I was, and I was later to find out that she had read too much about the after effects that could occur after brain surgery. She worried that Tony wouldn't know us, or be able to talk or walk, but she kept this from me and I was unaware that she wasn’t celebrating with us at that point.
We were told that Tony must rest as much as possible during the following day that ensued, but Dr. Calatyud explained he must eventually waken and be conscious so that he could check all his vital statistics. This was due to happen on one morning several days later when we were visiting him, and we tried to wake him up. Several attempts were made to get him to react and to wake but he resisted. It was almost like he was in a coma, I was terrified.
Finally, during that visit Dr. Calatyud was called because the nursing staff and his nephew, who was assisting him were were suitably concerned that they could not get a reaction from Tony. It was yet another setback which I was getting used to. The little surgeon arrived to see Tony in a deep slumber and then proceeded to pinch him in the groin and the neck in the 2 spots which he knew would bother him enough to wake up. Tony shot up in bed swearing at the surgeon for hurting him…it had worked, Tony was awake!!
It was now time for the healing process to start before we could arrange for his transport back home to the UK. Rob had taken a lot of time off from his job in PR and he was being asked to return. We knew he would have to leave and tearfully we took him to the airport and we all hugged and cried while he boarded the plane back to the UK.
Katie & I helped each through the following days, Katie was unbelievable with her dad, she would spend hours massaging his legs and feet making sure that his muscles didn't get too weak. We were only able to visit him at certain times and during the long empty hours in between we did what we always do when we are stressed, we ate!
Finally, it was time for Tony to fly home. I had contacted the insurance company to see if they would cover the cost of the journey, we needed to fly him in another private plane equipped with some of the same medical devices that had been in the plane from Malaga. They refused to pay for this, insisting that he was well enough to be driven by ambulance to the nearest airport that would fly direct to London, this would have taken hours. They were then only prepared to pay for a commercial flight which would have been full of tourists. This was not an option!
Fortunately, I had close friends who could help me arrange a private plane, I knew we would have to cover the cost of this but didn't care at this point, I was not going to compromise Tony's recover after all we had been through.
I asked Dr. Calatyud if he would accompany us on the journey and then we would turn the plane around for him to return to his hospital. He agreed which was a huge relief for me. I don't think I could have handled any kind of relapse from Tony on my own, and on a flight.
Katie flew home on a commercial flight, and we arranged to meet at the London hospital that Tony would be transferred to on his arrival back to Luton Airport.
Thank goodness Tony made the flight and I bade a fond farewell with many tears to Dr. Calatyud and waved him off on the plane back to Zaragoza.
We had a waiting ambulance at the airport and Tony was made comfortable for the journey back to the Wellington Hospital in North West London to be under the care of another neuro-surgeon who Dr. Calatyud had been in touch with.
When Tony & I recall this traumatic time in his life he has no memory of anything except that ride from Luton Airport to the Wellington Hospital.
See you next blog......