HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY TONY
- By Jackie Commissar
- •
- 22 Dec, 2018
AT LAST WE BROUGHT HIM HOME!
The party...
Tony was 59yrs old when he suffered his aneurysm, but before this we had discussed making a celebration party for his 60th birthday in Spain in the grounds of our beautiful new apartment. We had started to make plans for the party in May 2003 not realising that sometimes plans don't work out.
During his stay in the London hospital it was discovered that he had a build up of fluid in his brain and it had to be drained. The specialist informed us that he needed to operate on Tony again to insert a shunt, this shunt would stay inside his body and drain off excess fluid from the brain. It was not unusual for someone to require this after major surgery he assured us, and because Tony couldn't walk properly and was very lethargic there was no decision to make, he had to have the operation.
We often found him living in a world of his own, sometimes watching children's TV programmes. He couldn't remember if he had eaten and seemed zombie like, almost living in a bubble. We would visit him in this prestigious private hospital hoping that he would be looked after the way he had in Spain, but we had to reprimand the staff for leaving him in hospital gowns when we had taken clothes for him to wear. He didn't seem to care and it was heartbreaking, almost like caring for a young child. We knew he had to have this fluid drained from the brain, this was obviously the cause of his behaviour.
Once again we pulled together Katie, Rob & I, this time it was on home ground and we had a lot of support from our friends and family, but the fear was back, would he survive yet more surgery? I was totally in despair. We had gone through so much to get him to this stage that the fear of losing him by him having another operation was overwhelming.
I did however underestimate Tony's resilience and he came through this procedure very well and started to walk normally, with help, straight away. He was alert and much more like his old self, although he still wasn't questioning all the things that were happening to him, he just seem to accept it.
He told me he had met an old friend who was laying next to him when he woke up, I dismissed this as a dream or something to do with the brain surgery, I just smiled and said 'that was nice'.
Tony wouldn't give up on this story and finally I started to think maybe he was telling the truth. During one of my visits there was a knock on the door and a very old friend called Mike Arnold walked through the door, we hadn't seen Mike in years.
He explained that he had a very bad heart problem and that he had just had a procedure to help him alleviate the problem. He then went on to say whilst he was in the recovery suite laying on the bed he turned when he heard the nurse say Tony's name, before he knew it Tony was laying next to him and they were chatting together.
After this I began to believe that if Tony could remember Mike then I was finally getting my husband back.
Now it was time for rehab....but wait, one more scare!
After the surgery they had to give Tony an angiogram through his groin to check how his brain was healing, just a standard procedure I was told.
I was alone with Tony when he went down for this small procedure, Rob was working not far from the hospital and thank goodness he was. When Tony was brought back from the procedure and wheeled into his room he couldn't talk properly, in fact he was muttering in 'gobbledygook' I was petrified, what had they done to my husband!
I called Rob hysterically and he came straight to the hospital to sit with me, we were told sometimes this could happen when a small clot in the brain was dislodged by the tube they had inserted, they assured me it would settle down and he would be fine but I didn't believe them, I had been disappointed so many times that I had lost faith and just went to pieces. Thank goodness my wonderful son was there to support me, and sure enough within a short space of time Tony was talking again normally.
Now it was time to arrange a rehab unit for Tony to go to for a few weeks, he was very weak and he needed both cognitive and physical therapy. The only place we found for him using our private health insurance was in Maidenhead in Berkshire, a good hour and a half from where we lived in North West London.
He was transported there by ambulance, and shown into a lovely room overlooking beautiful views, this was to be his home for the weeks of his rehabilitation.
I visited as much as I could, the drive was long and tiring, sometimes friends would come with, and of course the children would come when they weren't working.
My dear friends came one weekend to take Tony out while I had taken a short break for a weekend to visit the apartment in Spain with my very closest friend. I was spoiled for 2 or 3 days while my friend cooked for me and we just sat in the sun and talked and talked. I started to gather back some of my strength and went back to see my husband with renewed optimism for the future together.
I was told at the rehab centre that the part of the brain that was affected was the area that controlled taking on new information and processing it, and making decisions on that information. I really didn't understand the implications of this, in fact I chuckled when the therapist said the bit about making decisions, and proceeded to tell her about our 4 engagements! Notwithstanding this, Tony was never able to work again, but for me this was a minor thing compared to what disabilities he could had been left with, we were lucky, Tony was a walking miracle, and anyway I was the entrepreneur of the family so I would be the one to continue to work and support us!
In May of 2003 we kept to our plans and revisited our home in Spain in preparation for the biggest party weekend we would ever host! Friends and family flew in from the USA, Canada, and the UK to join us for a huge celebration.
We started by hosting a party around the pool with all our new neighbours and friends and family and one very special guest...Dr Vincente Calatyud joined us all and we were so very thrilled to have him there it was very emotional.
Even more emotion was evident the next day when we hosted a huge birthday lunch in a fabulous restaurant. I had asked everybody to write a speech to Tony, I told them it could be funny or emotional, I just wanted Tony to hear how much everyone loved him and had supported him through all his trauma.
There was not a dry eye in the house, especially when, with the help of a translator Dr Calatyud stood up to make a wonderful speech to his patient.
At this point I want to emphasise that one of the reasons I wanted to share this story with you all is for the inspiration it offers to many of you who feel that the stress of dealing with a loved one's illness is hopeless. I just drew on my strength and believed in my heart that it just wasn't Tonys time to leave us.
I remembered the words Tony's dad said to me before he died, that I was the right partner for Tony and he begged me not to give up on him, also I recalled the song my dad used to sing to me as a little girl by Doris Day "Kay Sora Sora what ever will be will be, the future's not ours to see"
The universe has a plan for all of us!
Tony was 59yrs old when he suffered his aneurysm, but before this we had discussed making a celebration party for his 60th birthday in Spain in the grounds of our beautiful new apartment. We had started to make plans for the party in May 2003 not realising that sometimes plans don't work out.
During his stay in the London hospital it was discovered that he had a build up of fluid in his brain and it had to be drained. The specialist informed us that he needed to operate on Tony again to insert a shunt, this shunt would stay inside his body and drain off excess fluid from the brain. It was not unusual for someone to require this after major surgery he assured us, and because Tony couldn't walk properly and was very lethargic there was no decision to make, he had to have the operation.
We often found him living in a world of his own, sometimes watching children's TV programmes. He couldn't remember if he had eaten and seemed zombie like, almost living in a bubble. We would visit him in this prestigious private hospital hoping that he would be looked after the way he had in Spain, but we had to reprimand the staff for leaving him in hospital gowns when we had taken clothes for him to wear. He didn't seem to care and it was heartbreaking, almost like caring for a young child. We knew he had to have this fluid drained from the brain, this was obviously the cause of his behaviour.
Once again we pulled together Katie, Rob & I, this time it was on home ground and we had a lot of support from our friends and family, but the fear was back, would he survive yet more surgery? I was totally in despair. We had gone through so much to get him to this stage that the fear of losing him by him having another operation was overwhelming.
I did however underestimate Tony's resilience and he came through this procedure very well and started to walk normally, with help, straight away. He was alert and much more like his old self, although he still wasn't questioning all the things that were happening to him, he just seem to accept it.
He told me he had met an old friend who was laying next to him when he woke up, I dismissed this as a dream or something to do with the brain surgery, I just smiled and said 'that was nice'.
Tony wouldn't give up on this story and finally I started to think maybe he was telling the truth. During one of my visits there was a knock on the door and a very old friend called Mike Arnold walked through the door, we hadn't seen Mike in years.
He explained that he had a very bad heart problem and that he had just had a procedure to help him alleviate the problem. He then went on to say whilst he was in the recovery suite laying on the bed he turned when he heard the nurse say Tony's name, before he knew it Tony was laying next to him and they were chatting together.
After this I began to believe that if Tony could remember Mike then I was finally getting my husband back.
Now it was time for rehab....but wait, one more scare!
After the surgery they had to give Tony an angiogram through his groin to check how his brain was healing, just a standard procedure I was told.
I was alone with Tony when he went down for this small procedure, Rob was working not far from the hospital and thank goodness he was. When Tony was brought back from the procedure and wheeled into his room he couldn't talk properly, in fact he was muttering in 'gobbledygook' I was petrified, what had they done to my husband!
I called Rob hysterically and he came straight to the hospital to sit with me, we were told sometimes this could happen when a small clot in the brain was dislodged by the tube they had inserted, they assured me it would settle down and he would be fine but I didn't believe them, I had been disappointed so many times that I had lost faith and just went to pieces. Thank goodness my wonderful son was there to support me, and sure enough within a short space of time Tony was talking again normally.
Now it was time to arrange a rehab unit for Tony to go to for a few weeks, he was very weak and he needed both cognitive and physical therapy. The only place we found for him using our private health insurance was in Maidenhead in Berkshire, a good hour and a half from where we lived in North West London.
He was transported there by ambulance, and shown into a lovely room overlooking beautiful views, this was to be his home for the weeks of his rehabilitation.
I visited as much as I could, the drive was long and tiring, sometimes friends would come with, and of course the children would come when they weren't working.
My dear friends came one weekend to take Tony out while I had taken a short break for a weekend to visit the apartment in Spain with my very closest friend. I was spoiled for 2 or 3 days while my friend cooked for me and we just sat in the sun and talked and talked. I started to gather back some of my strength and went back to see my husband with renewed optimism for the future together.
I was told at the rehab centre that the part of the brain that was affected was the area that controlled taking on new information and processing it, and making decisions on that information. I really didn't understand the implications of this, in fact I chuckled when the therapist said the bit about making decisions, and proceeded to tell her about our 4 engagements! Notwithstanding this, Tony was never able to work again, but for me this was a minor thing compared to what disabilities he could had been left with, we were lucky, Tony was a walking miracle, and anyway I was the entrepreneur of the family so I would be the one to continue to work and support us!
In May of 2003 we kept to our plans and revisited our home in Spain in preparation for the biggest party weekend we would ever host! Friends and family flew in from the USA, Canada, and the UK to join us for a huge celebration.
We started by hosting a party around the pool with all our new neighbours and friends and family and one very special guest...Dr Vincente Calatyud joined us all and we were so very thrilled to have him there it was very emotional.
Even more emotion was evident the next day when we hosted a huge birthday lunch in a fabulous restaurant. I had asked everybody to write a speech to Tony, I told them it could be funny or emotional, I just wanted Tony to hear how much everyone loved him and had supported him through all his trauma.
There was not a dry eye in the house, especially when, with the help of a translator Dr Calatyud stood up to make a wonderful speech to his patient.
At this point I want to emphasise that one of the reasons I wanted to share this story with you all is for the inspiration it offers to many of you who feel that the stress of dealing with a loved one's illness is hopeless. I just drew on my strength and believed in my heart that it just wasn't Tonys time to leave us.
I remembered the words Tony's dad said to me before he died, that I was the right partner for Tony and he begged me not to give up on him, also I recalled the song my dad used to sing to me as a little girl by Doris Day "Kay Sora Sora what ever will be will be, the future's not ours to see"
The universe has a plan for all of us!
Now of course we had to get on with our life and I had to get on with being an entrepreneur, after all I now had the responsibility of paying the bills. So what was the best thing to do? Sell Diva and open a new business of course!
Once again the word from the USA was about this new unbelievably successful ladies only gym. It was a 30 minute workout for women and it was the brainchild of a man called Gary Heavin from Waco in Texas in the USA.
My sister was a member of her local Curves and she was raving about it, and at this point there were no franchises in the UK but that soon changed and eventually Curves was to have 10,000 franchises worldwide.
I loved the idea, and it was time for a new business which I could run on my own without relying on Tony.
Diva was still running but I had been encountering a lot of problems with staff and although we were still supplying 'New Life Design' diet pills, we had a new manufacturer because the original one in the USA had stopped producing them. Our supplier managed to get them manufactured in India and although they were still great they weren't as strong as the others. However by this time a lot of our clients couldn't manage without them, they still bought them and Tony still went off to the post office and posted them out!
So not very long after Tonys major brain surgery Katie & I took him off to Waco in Texas where we all trained in the Curves method! Poor Tony he couldn't take on all the information but he insisted on coming with us, so Katie cheated for us and answered all the questions! Thank goodness we had an intelligent daughter because school work was never my best attribute, I didn't have the patience to study, and now I was much older!
We met some great people at the training who were to become very close friends to us during our years with Curves.
We arrived back home and found the perfect premises just across the street from the Diva salon and excitedly furnished it and fitted it our with all the Curves equipment.
CURVES FITNESS FOR WOMEN opened in the spring of 2004!
See you next blog!
Once again the word from the USA was about this new unbelievably successful ladies only gym. It was a 30 minute workout for women and it was the brainchild of a man called Gary Heavin from Waco in Texas in the USA.
My sister was a member of her local Curves and she was raving about it, and at this point there were no franchises in the UK but that soon changed and eventually Curves was to have 10,000 franchises worldwide.
I loved the idea, and it was time for a new business which I could run on my own without relying on Tony.
Diva was still running but I had been encountering a lot of problems with staff and although we were still supplying 'New Life Design' diet pills, we had a new manufacturer because the original one in the USA had stopped producing them. Our supplier managed to get them manufactured in India and although they were still great they weren't as strong as the others. However by this time a lot of our clients couldn't manage without them, they still bought them and Tony still went off to the post office and posted them out!
So not very long after Tonys major brain surgery Katie & I took him off to Waco in Texas where we all trained in the Curves method! Poor Tony he couldn't take on all the information but he insisted on coming with us, so Katie cheated for us and answered all the questions! Thank goodness we had an intelligent daughter because school work was never my best attribute, I didn't have the patience to study, and now I was much older!
We met some great people at the training who were to become very close friends to us during our years with Curves.
We arrived back home and found the perfect premises just across the street from the Diva salon and excitedly furnished it and fitted it our with all the Curves equipment.
CURVES FITNESS FOR WOMEN opened in the spring of 2004!
See you next blog!
FOO'S FOAMING HAND SANITISER ARRIVES IN THE UK!! Foo has arrived to help children and their families to stay safe while the pandemic continues to blight our lives
2020...a year never to be forgotten! So many celebrations cancelled, life changed completely for us all.
We totally WOW'D them modelling fabulous outfits while we were 'strutting our stuff' down the catwalk at our charity event raising money for GT Ormond Street Children's
Hospital Charity.
